RREENNAAaa

2009-03-10T12:54:00.001-07:00

im gonna leave this blog.. remove me from your list if im on it.. =)

2009-03-07T12:07:00.000-08:00

life's been good lately.. sch assignments & projects are moderate.. yep.. was surprised when some friends still keep up with my blog.. cos i feel that my blog seems so non-existent already.. thanks for all concern.. ive been fine alr.. altho im still as confused as before.. keep thinking.. and figure out matters.. im sure im on the way to the light.. ha..

im confused about my personality.. i feel that im a person that always go with the flow.. just as long as there won't be any conflict involved.. a risk adverse person.. always concern about how others will judge me based on how i behave or communicate.. & that's why i rather not talk at all sometimes.. afraid that others will be judgemental on my opinions.. sounds stupid.. but im like that.. & that's perhaps thats how i look at others? it's a 2 way thing.. i guess.. also.. i feel i dun make enough effort in my life.. i dun have a real ambition.. can say that.. i live for the sake of living at times.. i know i want this i want that.. but i cant see myself in making the steps to achieve it.. i feel inferior.. keep thinking that i won't be achieving much in my life.. sigh..

it's hard to control when all these personalities have been in me since so long ago.. to change them i need time.. & its tough i must say.. i hate the way i am just to think about it.. all i can do is to keep reminding.. to keep changing.. to the way i want myself to be.. but what if i get tired of changing sometimes......

who am i.. what i want..

2009-02-01T22:00:00.001-08:00

recently i kept feeling confused.. lost.. i began to lose myself.. i don't know who am i anymore.. i don't know what i want in life.. i don't want to live aimlessly.. but i don't know what to do.. which direction to head to.. the competition in school is killing me.. i can't seem to excel anymore.. makes me so bored of school.. or rather im so scared of going to school.. to face the competitors.. i have lost all my confidence i have had when i was young.. what happened to me.. i don't feel brave or courageous.. or initiative.. i am just a wimp.. & i do not want to be one.. mom wants me to do well.. now that i can't i felt so disappointed in myself.. even in relationship.. everything seems to be going in all directions.. what i do seems wrong.. what i say seems wrong.. & i dun even know i hurt him so badly until he told me.. i hated myself.. why am i such a loser.. failing in all areas in my life.. maybe that is why i had this little thing in me growing day by day.. that i had to take out.. i cant help but thinking why dun they might jus as well take my life away when they are taking this little thing out.. maybe i won't feel as miserable snymore.. jus treat that im jus a selfish girl... im sorry..

giddy spells

2008-12-01T20:16:00.000-08:00

year 2 term 1 finally over.. last paper was so shitty.. oh well.. its already over.. ya & i was sorta glad that my sickness came after my papers..

had stomachache & fever few days back.. didn't really care about it.. thought it was just normal unwell symptoms due to stress.. but it was clearly not.. my gastric was crying for help then i guess..

woke up running to the toilet to vomit yesterday.. after which my limbs went weak.. then diarrhea.. my face was completely pale.. head was spinning.. & then black out.. still i can hear mom & dad calling me.. they tried to drag me to the family clinic.. but i was too weak to walk.. & so my dad piggy-backed me.. all i hear was my mom nagging.....

i was left in the clinic for half an hour.. had an injection.. medicine on the spot.. doctor said that everything was flowing out from me & nothing is going in.. therefore my body is too weak..

bed-ridden for the day.. dreadful day..

counting down

2008-11-03T12:24:00.000-08:00

3 more weeks to finals!
2 more weeks to AE & CAT reports!
1 more week to CAT presentation!

but all these are bearable..
as long as im in bliss.. =D

2008-07-19T01:44:00.001-07:00

while clearing the pics in my lappy.. found some cute pics i wld like to share...

2008-07-18T07:29:00.000-07:00

it's been long since i last blogged.. n everytime i blog.. it will be nothing good..

for this weekend.. i just wanna be alone.. i want to spend this weekend sorting all my thoughts and stuff.. it's very irritating to have lill thoughts here and there popping into my head and had my feelings so mixed up... n also i guess my pms has escalate my depression.. to save my friends from the black face if i were to meet them.. hibernation will be a better choice..

the breakup was actually expected.. the existing prob had been bothering both of us for long.. n both knew that even if we settle now.. there bound to have another same incident coming up.. so it was mutual.. but it was so sudden that i wasn't ready to accept it that fast.. found it so silly to be tearing in front of my friends when they were busying attending to the pukiess.. yup.. the beautiful memories still linger and shadow of us hanging around places keep appearing out of no where.. sometimes bad breakup may be good when it's the hateful stuff of the person you will be thinking of and the total cut off of communication allows one to be over another fast.. a agreeable breakup will only make everything difficult.. i just need time.. i know i will be fine.. with so many friends to care for me.. calling to check if im okay.. making sure that i talk.. asking me out.. i appreciate every single thing u all have done.. bt if i din reply or pick up your calls.. i jus need to be alone for awhile.. =)

while sorting out my thoughts for the past few nights.. ive realised that ive changed.. not over these few nights.. but through these years.. its hard to put them into words.. but experiences through time can really change a person's attitude.. perspective into matters and many more.. is this consider growing up? i cant be sure.. but many encounters have made me disappointed in many stuff when i was so hopeful for and had so much faith in.. n some other areas where i don't really bother have become so important in my life.. whatever is the case.. there's only one lesson i learnt.. there is only oneself to depend on..

2008-05-21T00:20:00.000-07:00

why do most people post entries about their negative feelings and not dose positive ones?

sad.. anger.. jealousy.. fear..

i do not deny im doin that too.. but why are we doing these?
do we really want to vent these feelings in our blog to make us feel much better?
or letting people who are concerned to know how bad our lives are?
or trying to find a mean... a subtle way.. an indirect path.. to allow the targeted person to know how we really feel?
if tis is the case.. y cant we express it to the person face-to-face?

its hard.. terribly hard..
for me at least..
im the kind who will go silent if i faces dese unwanted feelings..
but im trying hard..
to try to show my emotions..
im trying hard to be 'bad'.....

clarification

2008-05-09T21:52:00.000-07:00

to clarify the last post.
im not jealous or what so ever.
im jus sad that my good friend cant be with the love of his life.
yep.
hope he could sort out his thoughts real soon as the longer he drags the more people he may hurt.
=)

for me.
things are getting better.
finally understand the effect he has on me.

~used to hate it when he dun spoil me much.
now i love the independence that i possessed.

~used to hate it when he hardly sms me.
now i enjoy the freedom i have.

~used to hate it when he talks so little.
but once he speaks of sth sweet.
i feel so touched cos i know he meant it.

now he is genting.
i miss him.
but not that kind of "superly-missed-him-till-i-wanna-die" kind
cos he 'train' me well.
=)

arghhh!!!
game theory quiz.
one more day.
jiayou!
i dun wan my tarot reading to be true.

2008-05-02T08:28:00.000-07:00

when i saw dose photos of u being so happy.. i felt happy for u initially but it turn painful in awhile.. please tell me why..

2008-04-21T00:33:00.000-07:00

had a baddd wkendd!!! urghh.. but thx to patapon gang~ wahahha.. shld ve gone to batam instead.. nvm.. we shall proceed to aust soon~~ woohoo.. oh oh!! buffet dinner @ shangri-la hotell!! envy me pls.... =p

lost..

2008-04-17T10:53:00.000-07:00

last paper to go.. but ive absolutely no mood to get any info into my saturated brain.. its all stuffed with lotsa junk and i tink the only way to get them out will be to have lotsa fun!!! cant wait for tml or rather today 530pm to arrive.. once the clock strikes.. term 2b shall end!! dere n den.. woohoo~

oh! n ive decided.. i noe this may sounds so damn stupid.. (i noe alot pple cant wait to sae tt i actually am.. oh shut up!!) i shall be who i am! i shall learn to ignore how pple feel or think about me because of wat i sae.. how i dress.. how i act.. well tts me ya.. RENA!

ive realised all dese years.. ive been like trying to accommodate to people's needs.. comprising to pple's request.. n only now den i discover this is wrong.. ive nv really tink of wat i wan.. always tink tt its okay to give in to others.. and its so serious that for now i duno who i really am anymore.. compromising can be a strength as it reduces many conflicts.. but too much.. makes a person lost her or his identity..

well.. so...i tink.. whatever it is.. the most impt ting on earth now is to have fun while im young! anw.. life's short!! people.. enjoy!! (im not drunk) hah. oh.. dere's once i even ve this lill thought.. even if it is to destroy my life.. i shall be the one to do it and not allow others kill it slowly by hurting my fragile heart.. (aw..) sound scary hur.. ever thought of taking up smoking and all.. but oh well.. i noe there are still love ones ard.. i wldnt bear to see them being hurt..

oh! n for that terrible mistake ive done (mentioned in previous entry).. i will treat it as a super valuable lesson.. n definitely NOT make that stupid mistake again.. i repeat.. NEVER!! i acted so cool about it.. but in actual fact.. im SOOOOOooOOOoooOOOoooOOOo (can nv show how much even thou i put so much OooOOo in it!!) affected!

"hey myfren.. thx so much for being dere when i needed sumone.. but nw if you found that you're being ignored.. im probably avoiding you.. perhaps for the time being.. perhaps for long.. im nt sure.. jus feel that you ve become a stranger overnight.. a scary one.. i thought tt you are still who u are.. but im so wrong! u r not u anymore! stuff that you said.. that everything have changed.. n how u react to the incident.. that dere's nth wrong (at least tts how it looks to me.. perhaps because we are in different positions).. simply scares me off.. yep.. i need time to figure things out.. rmb.. time can heal.. it can heal injuries now n the old ones (i should be reminded of how it lead us to wher it had lead us now..) that jus been once again brought up by you... "

i shall be the independent girl that my guy wants me to be.. thanks for all the freedom you give me.. n perhaps the absolute confidence you have in me.. n the coolest attitude you have of not expressing your feelings now n then cause u want to make it special.. but i heard from people.. when one cant get dependent on their loves one when he or she needs.. or not constantly be reminded or moved by their partners that they are loved.. the freedom only gives them the opportunity to be astray.......... will our love stay stronger than me going astray.. tts for u to find out and for me to noe..

yep.. tts for this morning.. i love to write at this time.. when lotsa thoughts flow in.. ya.. like i cld still rmb yst dream.. wher i dreamt of finishing my MS paper.. n john smsed me.. "hey.. john here.. not long john silver john.. but john.... blah blah blah.." cant believe in my dream i can still have those lame shits.. urgh.. waste my time of not slpin properly la.. in the dream i even had a tooth droppin off (rmb someone telling me dreaming of teeth dropping indicates that the person is insecure.. how true is it??!!).. so sucky..

lets pray TWC paper is easy~~~ *yawn.. signing off..
~~xoxo~~ (no way im gg to be such poser! ha.)
RENA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-04-15T06:44:00.000-07:00

felt better but at the same time worse.. done sth terribly wrong.. im nt to be forgiven.. =(

2008-04-11T00:05:00.000-07:00

on the verge of breakin down.. jus one push.. jus one... =(

2008-04-07T14:57:00.000-07:00

how cool is it to be studying over night in smu lib?? SOOOO COOLLL can!! haha alrite.. tink im a lill high on all the muggin alr.. now its 6am!! been in sch since 11pm.. woohoo~~

i like this wee hours.. now im sittin by the window.. hopin to see some sun rise?? haha but all im seein now is my own reflection.. oh well~~

time to emo.!! not bad ar.. still can find time to emo altho ive soo much stuff to study.. ha. well im a female n she can multi-task damn well!! yepp.. @#$%^&*^@#$%^&*#$%^&*(%^&*(#$%^&*!!!! yepp tts all i wanna say for my emo stuff.. decrypt it to see~ wahaha

perhaps it says... i hate her!! i hate him!! i love him!! and also him!! or.. i need a place to commit suicide.. wat shld i do.. cut wrist? eat slpin pills? haha.. tts for me to know and you to find out man....

stupid u guys.. now my mind is all PATA PATA PATA PON~ PON PON PATA PON!!!! *Attack!! cant wait for wkend to play~ haha

- i dun wann be affected by all those craps.. its a waste of my time.. but i cant help it.. fuck! -

2008-03-31T06:42:00.000-07:00

thx for calling.. miss old times.. =) maybe we cld go bintan soon *wink

I Still

2008-03-27T21:33:00.000-07:00

I STILL..
who are you now
are you still the same or did you change somehow
what do you do
at this very moment when i think of you
and when i'm looking back
how we were young and stupid
do you remember now
no matter how i fight it
can't deny it
just can't let you go
i still need you
i still care about you
though everything's been said and done
i still feel you like i'm right beside you
there's still no perfect you
now look and then
still i'm moving on, i refuse to see
that i keep coming back
and i'm stuck in the moment
and won't turn back to lie
i've tried to fight it
can't deny it
you don't even know that
i still need you
i still care about you
though everythings been said and done
i still feel you like i'm right beside you
there's still no perfect you
i wish i could find you
just like you found me that i...will never let you go
though everything's been said and done
i still feel you
like i'm right beside you
there's still no perfect you

- weird dreams kept haunting me lately.. maybe dreams are really how i felt.. -

mixed feelings

2008-03-23T07:10:00.000-07:00

i noe i shldnt be feeling this way.. it has got nth to do with me at all.. i shldnt be concerned with it.. yet i dun feel good!! fuck! after reading it simply makes me feel worse.. can someone make me feel any better....

urghhh

2008-03-20T09:33:00.000-07:00

cant deny i felt so happy when she told me that they didnt like her.. but i hate myself for being this way.. cos in any way the matter is already over.. did and done.. i dun wan myself to feel anything about it anymore... cos whenever someone brings this up.. i cant help my heart frm aching.. not cos im sad tt it happened... but sad for myself feeling this way..

to be honest.. i hate my life now.. everything's like a mess.. im so lost.. i duno wher im heading.. im just following the crowd.. which i duno if tts the way that i want to be in..

sometimes i dun even noe which is the real me..

the always on high mode girl.. who does alot of crazy stuff.. the one who always talk so loud.. telling the lame shits and laugh it off herself..

or the quiet one who kips thinkin about stuff that no one bother.. who is always worried about this and that.. who feels insecured about everything cos everything changes so fast without anyone knowing.. who feels life is so fragile.. so short.. that we should do things like.. but still got on the route like everybody else to have a profitable job...

i dun understand myself.. no one understands me.. or no one has the time to wan to understand me.. or some assume that if i ve gt sth to tell i will... all i need.. is one who really care.. or at least i can feel that he or she is... but in this time where pple will only care about themselves.. who will do tt...

What Wo(Men) want

2008-02-14T20:26:00.000-08:00

WHAT MEN WANT

He isn't as strong as he seems.
Behind your man's strong facade may lie uncertainty and the fear of failing.
Sometimes, he is unsure about what he should do in a situation and feels inadequate to provide solutions or comfort, but he masks his insecurities and 'act tough'.
So what can we do?
For starters, don't taunt him or tear him down when he tries to help.
Rather, encourage and affirm him by showing your appreciation, especially in front of others!

How you look matters to him.
Dressing up for your man is one of the way of showing how much you respect and love him.
We're not saying doll up to the nines just to eat dinner at the nearby kopitiam, but some basic personal grooming can go a long way.
If you think you're fat, don't just complain-do something about it!
A man does gets frustrated when the woman in his life anguishes endlessly about her appearance.

He Loves You.
If there is one thing a man most wishes you knew about him, it's that he really loves you.
Often, he may want to express his feelings to you, but he worries that he will not do a good job.
To make things easier for him, let him know what makes you feel most loved!
Appreciate him for the times he does try to show his love for you.

WHAT WOMEN WANT

She can't shut out her emotions.
Surprising fact: Most women are like Macs, and most men are like PCs!
Like a Mac, there can be many 'windows' open (thoughts & feelings) on the screen of a woman's mind at any one time.
VS the 'PC' mindset of a man, who is able to close each 'window' on his screen before going on to the next one.
(On the other hand, that's why most women can multitask, and most men can't!)
DON'T say "Just don't think about it." (She can't.)
Instead, listen, reassure and ancourage her in any action that needs to be taken to resolve her concern.

She wants your empathy.
"I don't want you to fix the problem; I just want you to listen!"
Sound familiar?
What she FEELS about the problem is actually more important to her than the problem itself.
The problem is not the problem; the feeling is the problem.
You need to learn to filter out the problem to focus on her feelings.
Only after you have acknowledged her feelings will she want to focus on working on a solution.

She needs to feel loved.
Most women are insecure about whether their man really loves them.
Whenever this insecurity is triggered, she may respond in ways that confuse or dismay you, until she feels reassured.
Constant romancing of your woman, whether in little or big ways, will tell her that you desire and care for her, thus lessening her feelings of insecurity.

Based on the books "For men only" and "For women only".

2007-12-31T22:41:00.000-08:00

its only the first day of 2008.. n i feel SUCKY!!! =( not a good start.. hai.. shall distract myself with sth else.. like........ hrm... =)!!

its gonna be 2008~~

2007-12-30T03:13:00.000-08:00

woo.. its gonna be a brand new year.. hope that it will be a great year ahead!! esp its my 21 year.. yep.. wonder how shld i do with the count down.. pple!! pls come up with plans.. i dun wanna be alone at hm doing 10.. 9.. 8......

posted most of the pics at last.. haha tts when im bored at hm.. luckie someone is willing to acc me to shop the neighbourood malls.. cleared few items of my shopping list.. i still wanna shop more.. nit more $!! ive to order my birthday cake too...

- no strings attached -

cheng's bday 1st celebration @ vivo

2007-12-28T23:59:00.003-08:00

she loves her cake..
her roses.. her boy..
Happy Birthday!!
make a wish..
blow wind blow..
the babes..
another pic of the swt couple
cheng & huimin
two Cs..
besties
CREW
yeah! im gonna cut the cakeee..
huh~~
smile!!
couple pics

finally.. lets get tgt!!

cheng's bday 2nd celebration on sunday @ airport!

2007-12-28T23:08:00.004-08:00

met up with 4e2 girls @ airport to have a mini celebration dinner..

cos joy were only be back from thailand on that day..

cheng didnt know of the plan..

collabrated with weisong & tgt we gave cheng a surprise!

haha

snapshots from joy.. i guess she was too tired tt day..

the every ready florence.. n everyone was distracted..

got a lill girl to help us take a photo..
n an uncle.. whose skills were lousier than the lill girl.. see his finger covering the top of the pic.. urghh
intendin to capture the christmas tree.. but florence fell in while she was laughing.. tink she was a lill too high..
on the sky train back to terminal 1.... our reflections

cheng's bday 3rd celebration on actual day!!

2007-12-23T23:37:00.000-08:00

after a round of mahjong @ weijing's hse.. we took a long long bus ride (due to traffic jam) down to town for ktv! was starving when we reached & we were rushing for the buffet once we stepped in.. haha..
when we finally settled down to sing.. we only left with 2 hours!! still we managed to squeeze in the cam whoring session.. haha

im still hungry.....

moved the session to the toilet.. haha

its over~~

2007-12-13T07:10:00.000-08:00

this is the result when one studied too muchh.. jus felt like committing suicide..
lai ba!! better be a truck!!
think again.. nt worth it.. i still want to enjoy S** (aloy!) haha
final paper.. stats!!

yeah!! its over~~ gg to town.. karin's driving!!

sakae sushi!!!

ROGUE!! woohhoo

we love corona~!!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

im the photographer.. n u can see i improve my skills.. finally can capture karin in mid air! haha

suntann

2007-12-12T08:23:00.000-08:00

like i promise (i know its qt some time ago).. PHOTO FIESTA!!!
these are the pictures we took during mid term break.. sun tan @ sentosa~~

before that we had mahjong overnight.. look at alex.. he must be soo tired.. zzZzz

on cab to siloso.. it was drilling then.. but it didnt dampen our mood to cam-whoring on the cab..
stupid alex's hand blocked huimin from the pic..
now u dun see it..
now u do...
trying to flaunt our sunglasses.. alex.. dun spoil the pic!! smile~
let's take a nice one..
i do look like a housefly dun i.. hmm..
see i wanna take a pic with u.. u look so blur..
finally we reached!! n the rain stopped!! woohoo.. babes n hunks sun tannin..
take more photos.. shall we?? hee

dun laugh la.. lets join in the fun jenson..
u too~ alex..
yeah.. group pics.. huimin ur angle damn zun la.. i love it!!

buddies forever~
we are MAN!!!! (stupid jenson covered his face with his fist.. & we had to take again..)
MAN!!! i look like im having constipation.. -.-
jenson & huimin..
jenson!! open ur eyes please~
alex's so yummy.. huimin wanna have a taste of him.. hmm..
look at his orang utan facee..
im trying to imitate his orang utan face.. looks like i can do it qt well rite.. haha
kkie.. lets do it tgt then...
once moree..
finally.. we were on our way hm.. so early?? of cos not!! i went to mit rey & gang for steamboat!!!

that's for the moment.. more to come.. =)!!

2007-12-12T08:03:00.000-08:00

finally change a new blogskin.. have so much errors while changing the html.. finally figured out how to do it.. smart rite.. i know i know.. haha..

its coming back!!!

2007-12-04T07:34:00.000-08:00

been busy planning my 21st birthday..
so that's how it shld b ya..
21st to be planned all by myself!!
(i hate it!)
so many stuff to organize..
afraid im nt be able to host well..
still i want sth diff frm the rest of my birthdays..
n imptly its only a month away!!!

haiz

was chatting with cy..
some random thoughts jus came up to me..

life's so short..
may we shld jus enjoy!!
cause u will never noe wat will happen next..
maybe the person u trust will betray u the very next sec..
even the toughest relationship will fail..
(the case of my cousin)
i used to tihnk long serious relationships are great..
now i feel otherwise..
my faith for it..
totally affected..

on the other hand..
flings may be gd..
to noe more people..
or find the best for you..
ultimately..
you get marry..
n bound to encounter such problems..
so y not enjoy while we can rite..

well.. i duno.. i jus dun feel gd now..

FUCK!!
this sucky feeling is coming back again
it feels so tight in my heart..
like suffocating..
urgh!

can anyone drive me for SUPPER.. pleaseee???

exams over~

2007-12-03T08:15:00.000-08:00

woohoo!!
finally 4 papers down..
end to this horrible first term..
get to enjoy 5 weeks before the next..
i must gt to rest and enjoy to the
FULLEST!!

marry no more

2007-11-19T20:02:00.000-08:00

feel so affected after what my mom has told me.. her eyes brimmed with tears as she was telling me.. my cousin who is married less than a year may be getting a divorce.. shocking news..

how can a couple who is together for 7 years, just married to each other.. seems so blissful then.. turn out to be like that?

is living together so different from being together?

he said he cant stand her being so inconsiderate.. not able to help out the housework..
she said he is having an affair outside..

who should we believe?

perhaps both parties are at fault..

so will the relationship end just like that??

at this moment.. i cant help but think that everything could change after marriage.. marriage is not the ultimate goal of a relationship.. not like what fairytales have shown us.. princess n prince in their beautiful white gown and charming suit waving good byes to people wishing well for them and the show will end with 'and they live happily ever after..' after all its just to deceive kids..

i began to think that.. maybe its just good just to be with each other and not get married.. stay simple.. minimize the hassle.. i don't know.. but after witnessing so many divorces in my family.. in fact all of the ladies in my maternal side are divorcees.. and even being together for 7 years could lead to a divorce less than 1 year after married..

i lose faith in marriages..

gosh! its exam time~!!!

2007-11-14T21:37:00.000-08:00

im stressed!! less than 2 wks to first paper n i havent start studying yet.. still stuck with project.. urgh!! but den.. looks like im enjoying tis now.. hmmmm... haha cos...

my boy is backkkk!!!

lallalalllalalalalalalalaaaaaaaaaaaa

can relax for a while.. but not for long..

2007-11-02T08:34:00.000-07:00

just finished 2 presentations for this week.. the busiest week.. woo hoo!! finally done.. thought we would totally crash the presentation.. but after all the groups for that week have presented.. looks like we are on the average.. not too bad though.. =)

bgs presentation had almost killed me.. including all the individual assignments and stats mid term test.. haiz.. i felt so depressed for my mid term test.. its the first time i walked out the hall & felt so bad about the paper i took..

furthermore i had to rush back to proj room to continue with my bgs proj.. was so fed-up with my grp mates.. plus the depression of my test and also that my boy nv sms for about a wk cos he is in thai.. i really broke down.. try to hold back my tears.. even when i was alone in the toilet cubicle.. but i really lost the control of my tears when hui came out looking so concerned about me..

well.. crying out really made me felt lots better.. but im not feeling gd still.. it sucks when you have so much sch stuff to handle and still encounter relationship problem.. sometimes i really felt so terribly alone.. even if i know some friends are out there for me.. but in my heart.. i just need that special one..

-should i continue to be persistent? or should i simply give up?? -

i duno why but to feel this time its for real..

2007-10-21T02:28:00.000-07:00

im nt feelin at all okayy.. the feeling is like a year b4.. 3 days to a year to be exact.. haiz.. jus fuck it la..

i was lucky to have them with me yst night.. altho the forfiet sucks (all from aloy).. but at least it kept me from thinkin things that my heart will ache..

傻瓜 - 溫嵐

2007-10-09T11:52:00.000-07:00

其實他做的壞事我們都懂

沒有什麼不同　

眼光閃爍曖昧流動　

閉上眼當作聽說

其實別人的招數我們都懂

沒有什麼不同　

故作軟弱撒嬌害羞　

只是有一點彆扭

傻瓜也許單純得多　

愛得沒那麼做作

愛上了我不保留

傻瓜　我們都一樣　

被愛情傷了又傷

相信這個他不一樣　

卻又再一次受傷

傻瓜　我們都一樣　

受了傷卻不投降

相信付出會有代價　

代價只是一句

傻瓜..

a damn nice song!! felt so much for this song....

im still blueee

2007-09-29T12:24:00.000-07:00

Buddy.. U're the Greatest!!

so touched when u came down after work with such a BIG umbrella, fetch me from sch n we go for dinner.. catch-up with each other for qt awhile.. well.. what i've to say is.. all needs time to heal.. =)

fri.. met up with you again.. this time went clarke quay.. all time fav spot for out chit chat!! it's been 2-3 years since we last sat there to talk.. rmb you asked me to help u buy cigarettes & alcohol.. we were so young then.. haha..

i simply love the view of clarke quay n it is so windy..

the funny thing is that my slipper dropped to the singapore river cos i accidentaly kicked on the stairs when i wanted to sit.. haha.. so embarrassed when everybody around you looking at your slipper floating away.. lucky it floated near to the bank & thx buddy for pickin it back for me.. i know its dangerous walking along the stairs to fetch it back.. =)

through the conversation.. i realised u've really matured.. i really felt tt.. not through the thoughts n feelings u tld me.. but also some of ur behaviour.. im sure ur rlsp with angeline really taught u alot.. compare to u.. i felt lousy.. esp when you tld me abt ur views on my past rlsps.. was surprise when u suddenly tld me you felt for me when im dun feel gd.. tts wat buddies are for rite.. =)

then.. its ALOYSIUS birthday.. its his 25th bdae.. old uncle.. but act like he is 20.. -.- haha a humourous guy i knew during ELW cls.. who will only talk about.. sex & shit.. haha.. but days without him will be boring..

supper!!

this time with huimin n alex.. haha was initially in sch studying.. then we WALKED to marina square for supper.. gd exercise.. haha i think i was really starved that day.. i was so lame that alex cant stand me.. haha..

see tt huge mango ice below??

we managed to conquer that all!! =)

chanced upon my past pics..

i realised i do miss my long hair.. n stupid actions.. haha

my buddy said i used to be very happy...

'' where has that rena gone to??''

i jus smiled.. =)

i didn't smoke!! haha

yasif was taking his smoking break while me & huimin was accompany him.. n played with his cigarettes.. heh.. but i do look like a smoker don't i?? i tink if i smoke.. a lot of frens will be coming after me with chopper.. haha..

hmm... but they wun if i do it secretly rite..... hrmmmm..

beautiful chocolate bouquet!!

my dad bought for my mom during their wedding anniversary.. haha when they were back from their celebration.. my dad came up to me & said.. this was much practical.. haha cos my mom was complaining the other day.. when rey had someone to deliver a bouquet of lilies to my hse.. that she had nv received flowers from dad b4.. haha.. well.. my mom is a fortunate lady so loved & pampered by my dad.. i m so envy of them..

pics from SMUBASH!!

yasif.. i wil definitely miss u around in sch..

the green & the west-ers..

haha look at ben's face (the most right guy).. so tired look.. haha

tts for now folks..

i am nt happy

2007-09-27T09:14:00.000-07:00

duno if its sch or rlsp.. bt im sure im gg to break down soon.. =(

have been down lately.. projs are stressing me further..

2007-09-23T10:30:00.000-07:00

jus read anne's blog.. ive been in her situation before.. it feels as if it was yesterday to me.. it's glad tt ive come out of it n she will too one day i believe.. although scars will still hurt every now & then..

it's nearing to mid term now.. ive gt so many assignment due in few weeks time.. keep having projs meetings which sometimes I feel we arent productive at all.. i was qt demoralized by the fact tt we have put in so much effort into the minor proj.. n the result sucks!

not particularly in school stuff.. in part & parcel of life.. i hate this kind of feeling.. putting so much effort into accomplishing something.. in hoping that it will turn out right or the way you want it.. the end isnt what you've expected.. it's not tt i didn't bother about doing that thing.. ive put in hardwork.. spending time.. putting hope on the person will come to appreciate it.. n it always turns out the other way round.. always..

perhaps i've high expectation on myself & also putting the same type of expectation to people around me.. when they cant fulfill my expectations.. i become disappointed.. i become miserable.. n it all started from no one but me alone.. how irony.. so now.. only myself is able to solve this problem of mine..

if u all dun understand the above its okay.. jus treat it as some rumbling of my frustrations.. yepp.. i hope soon i will able to clear this out..

in the mean time.. studies is first in my to-do list.. the rest comes after..

- so near yet so far -

im so stresssss~~

2007-09-12T13:45:00.000-07:00

now is 4.49am.. before i starts on my stats tut which to be dicussed in the later on 830am lesson.. i shall take a little rest & keep u al a lill update..

IM SOOO STRESSSSS!!! haha.. to tink i can still laugh..

can u believe staying in school till midnight to rush proj?? yes i jus did it yst.. wow!! so hardworkin.. arent i? hah

now i realise that 24 hrs is not enuf for me.. i practically have no time to slp at all... my eyes are horrible now.. =( i m a genuine panda!!

despite all dose stress sch stuff.. i still will find time for myself n frens..

i love fridays when i can have movie n late night supper with my np camp frens.. anne.audrey.zhou.kenneth.iggy.teoxu.bugger.. i want more of this!!

ive also jus went for a meat buffet at sixth avenue with zhou.kenneth.raine (if i din spell wrongly).. i was so full that i almost vomit during the cab ride hm.. haha.. the meat was splendid.. esp the beef.. omg!! i wan to go dere again.. bt.. mus wait till i gt $$$.. haha nt tt cheap thou..

we have a SMU FRESHMAN BASH @ MOS on the 30 Aug too!! qt a huge crowd.. however.. the music sucks!! haha rnb section nt opened sumore.. was so not high tt day lar!!

my da lan cong bdae coming~~ woohoo!! he's nt excited as im leh.. looks like im the one havin bdae.. haha.. cant wait to par tor on friday too.. hehe

i jus want to njoy tis wkend b4 i start stressing on sch stuff again.. =)

-pictures later... -

my cutee lill goddaughter

2007-09-02T11:16:00.000-07:00

when i saw jasmine lying on the bed.. lookin so fatigue.. im sure tt process was very tiring for her.. she said it was so painful tt she bit hongtat's arm.. hah.. the contractions happened the night b4 n she was so strong tt she was able to tolerate the pain till the nxt day.. without any injections to lessen the pain.. n after 4 pushes.. the baby was delivered.. mama zhen wei da!!

lill merissa soooo small.. i was so afraid tt i might hurt her if i carry her.. was so surprise tt rey will want to carry her.. sure he gt tt fatherly feel den.. was attracted to him eh.. hehe

i can only say that i felt so touched in the ward tt i wanted to have a baby of my own den.. hah..

rainy saturday

2007-08-25T04:02:00.000-07:00

it feels so nicee to be stayin at hm when its raining outside..

so cooling..

makes me feel so slpy..

however.. another part of me wants to be outside with him...

i guess im nt gg to mit him tis wk again.. =(

im envious

2007-08-23T09:31:00.000-07:00

its a happy feeling to be able to know tt some of ur fren's life is getting on so well.. im so envious of dem..

my maths cls was terrible!!

2007-08-23T09:03:00.000-07:00

OMG OMG!!

i cant understand wat the prof is lecturin abt!!

its so chim...

n plus the fact tt the ppt was WITHOUT any design..

simply black & white..

i was having headache larr!!

STRESSSS~

- only if she was my mother-in-law... -

slacking in mac

2007-08-21T22:23:00.000-07:00

2nd day in sch.. well.. nt much to sae.. feelin kinda sian at the moment.. slacking at ps mac... missing dear lots!! wonder when can i mit him.. hai

im missing jen & pp too.. had a call frm pp last nite.. he promised to call to check out if im still coughin.. n he rmb to call.. ha sorta touched.. long time no talk.. glad tt he's doin well in ns.. gotta mit up with him n gal soon.. yepp n jen.. mitin him for sushi nxt wk.. ha.. haven even cfm with him yet..

sian ar!! so slpy bt cant slp... lesson will end at 645.. ve gt to do hmwk for tml lessons too.. sumre i ve 830 cls tml n im endin at 645 too.. =(

i seriously need a hug now!

timetable..

2007-08-18T10:42:00.000-07:00

timetable's out.. shiok! 3 days wk.. 5 modules thou.. xiong!!

still feelin the same..

2007-08-17T08:45:00.000-07:00

again..

its me..

who feel so down just because of perhaps a sentence someone so dear to me said...

i dun understand...

!@#$%^&*

2007-08-10T05:50:00.000-07:00

im feelin so shitty now..
sometimes i jus wish tt im all alone

fuck

i hate to be so vulnerable..

2007-08-08T05:43:00.000-07:00

i was sick for few days.. sore throat.. cough.. running nose.. fever.. all came at once.. it was viral infection.. dr asked if ive been contact with any sick pple recently.. (mind flashes teoxu & cheng) i mumbled.. no.. mom was dere.. i cant possibly said yes.. im sure she will go on n go on after tt.. urghh

i jus dun like to be sick.. felt so weak.. my head's so heavy that i cant get up frm bed.. so restricted to do things tt i like to do.. cant talk properly.. when ive gt sore throat.. cant eat my fav food.. like seafood.. n i ve to stay at hm.. totally not in the condition to even step out of my rm lar..

i dun wanna get sick anymore!!!

bt wat touches me most was the duck porridge sent by dear.. heh

jus watched the 7pm chan 8 show.. heard one of the saying.. "对别人仁慈, 就是对自己残忍"it sounded so true i tink.. but still i will do the former la.. hah most of my frens said that im too compromising.. duno when to reject pple.. tts one thing ive gt to learn now.. seriously.. n u guys ve to help me kk.. =)

- the perfect combo for anything & everything.. *wink -

back frm smu ftb camp..

2007-08-03T02:49:00.000-07:00

i had an international grp for the camp.. we've gt a german (not bad looking tall dude).. 2 indians.. 1 laos pretty girl.. 2 china... n the rest of us singaporeans.. in total 15 of us.. ftb camp was alrite.. din really expect much of it.. esp b4 tt u heard pple frm the previous runs telling us it sucks.. anw.. i felt im being force to the camp.. when u r being force.. u cant have fun.. can u??

altho the progs tt lined up for us sucks.. friendships r still being made.. peeps if u r reading my blog.. jus wanna sae a big thx cos u al ve made tis camp more enjoyable for me.. i wonder wat will it be to ve bimbos n big canons in my grp.. it will be disastrous..

as usual.. im all beat returnin frm camp.. in addition ive bruises n cuts on my legs n hands.. worse.. ive gt rashes on my right arm.. n its itches so much.. they looks like dose small small mosquito bites.. bot calamine lotion to apply.. hope it heal asap n wun spread.. =(

i hate being a female at times.. cos at certain times of the month.. u will experience mood swings.. i hate it when i noe its mood swings n i still cant prevent myself frm having tt kinda feeling.. tt moody feeling.. tt tink-tt-im-the-lousiest-person feeling.. fuck it.. seriously.. i wanna be a guy in my nxt life it it permits..

- jus wanna dance n drink all night.. -

let pictures do the talking.. im jus lazy man...

2007-07-29T06:14:00.000-07:00

OIKOS CAMP!!!
first day at sentosa.. it was drizzling.. dampen our mood man.. nevertheless.. friendships are made.. =)

me n karen

ivan (he look like my cousin so much!) & ling fong (can call him gao ling fong also..)
ben (mr captain america) & khedwin (kena forfeit by applyin insect repellent on his face) & weizong (our faci)

white vs black

shi en & carol

on the tram.. with felicia

its night time!! we were all in our slpin bags!! n carol loves to jump ard in tt!!

jumping ard the level after some shots of chivas & cointreau (it sucks!!)

lets pose!!!
second day..
grp pic!!

okay.. the four of us behind r doin L.O.V.E.. if u can make out.. hah
keith n his weird hair style! we ve to style out hair in order to pass the station.. oh well.. =)
i had my hair styled too.. haha be sportin can.. =p
haha.. everybody looked shocked! i jus need a evening gown n im set for dinner..
see tt person in white shirt carryin the machine.. he was doing a forfeit.. tts to snatch the machine frm the bangala n offer help to cut the grass..
tts the power of forfeit..
poor karen had to pass the orange to keith..
let's take pic before preparing for the skit..

the last 7 left for our grp... TIMBRE 2!!

i love the voice of the guy in brown!! u al shld go!

the scenery damn romantic also.. *hint hint!

had a pint of erdinger

karin!!

cheng & enen

im so red can..

like small girl.. i like her tis pic..

i cant act like her la.. im so man.... hah

rena & weijing

i asked them to pose something cool.. n it turned out like tt.. oh man..

ahem.. hope u r lookin at the right direction..

want a kiss?? * muacks!

dun go away frm me.. i love u so muchh..

my bestie.. weisong u better treat her well alrite..

enen wanna be super model!! look at her curves.. woohoo!!

the RI-er...

finally.. a grp photo~~

my pretty lovely lillies!!

u promised me fireworks!! n u fulfill ur promise.. thx dear!! muacks!

SAKAE SUSHI!!!

anne.me.teoxu

i ve fat face lar!! n teoxu so nice to entertain some tourist.. hah

konichiwa!! watashi nihon jin desu.. dozo yoroshiku onegaishimasu~

i like our pose! its random but nice..

surprise!!

2007-07-20T11:18:00.000-07:00

the lovely white lillies were delivered straight to my hm! im disappointed tt im nt dere to receive it firsthand cos im stil on the way hm frm work.. but stil happy tt rey surprised me with this.. geh geh ask me wher i stay & ask wat kinda flowers i like.. but im blur enuf nt to realise tis secretive act of him.. n tts gd.. isnt it.. heh.. brighten up my whole moody wk..

furthermore.. he's bringin me to watch fireworks again!! tot we wld be standin frm either esplanade or msqr to watch.. however.. he tld me we will be watchin frm the spectator seats!! direct view!! yes! we r gg to watch NDP again! hope tis time rd dere is fireworks.. heh

thx dear.. for all the swt surprises u gaf me todae.. i love dem all.. i even had dreams of u tis wk.. u find it funny when u tld u abt it.. bt im scared tt it will come true.. still.. im happy.. cos tis means tt im falling deeper for u subconsciously... heh

programmes piling up..

2007-07-17T09:24:00.000-07:00

went for an orientation talk today.. y are talks always tt boring?? haiz.. its even more boring when dere's no cute guys ard.. =X oops i mean good looking pple to look at.. haha.. or maybe im used to the suave face i look at every wkend.. straight after the tok n some lame activity tt made us walk round the campus.. i smsed my boy.. 'dear.. u can win the pagent in this lecture rm.. no worries.. ' (or sth like tt.. cant really rmb.. haha)

econs n smu camps will be coming up in weeks time.. dere will be community service hours to clear.. oh oh! rey gt guard duty tis sun & i tot i cant mit him.. =( but so incoincidence ive gt community service at his camp dere!! which means i gt to see him too! i jus noe god is so gd to me n my boy.. =)

n i stil wanna mit up with my peeps!!! e2 gang.. crew.. jenson (altho we played mahjong at rey hse last fri.. i stil wan to mit up n tok!).. camp frens.. liting n gang..!! my boy has taken the wkend slot.. so the rest.. pls date me out for dinner during the wkdays ba~~ heh

- i want famous amos.. 'k.. i buy for u on fri..' -

birthday bashh

2007-07-17T08:29:00.000-07:00

SINLI 20th BIRTHDAY!! (while having our mahjong session.. =))

cheng.sinli.rena

cheng.sinli.chiuyun

the remaining all gers grp

CORRINE 21st BIRTHDAY

i envy dem being able to quarrel often n be so loving after tt

rena.corrine.cheng

esther.rena.corrine.cheng

the girls

commissioning ball @ four seasons

2007-07-16T03:05:00.000-07:00

don't we look like we are in a vintage lao pok car.. haha

cynthia & colin

colin & rey

me & cynthia

once again

we r too gorgeous that the photographer shiver.. lol

into the dining area..

corrine & me

corrine & andrew

rey is the best singer!!

love taking pics with him

guys duno how to take pics la.. its blurrr

we take ourselves so much better

ocs brothers

pubb chilling..
nicest pic of the day..

some pple r unbelievably CHILDISH!

2007-07-13T03:37:00.000-07:00

i shant elaborate on my title as these pple arent worth more of my comments on them.. simply urgh! disgustin.. only pple close to me will noe wats wrong..

recent updates of me will be that i ve just ended my temp 3mths assignment with Recruit Express.. i admit tt i really learnt qt a lot there.. the soft skills & politics.. n of cos nw i miss my colleagues there.. n the way to work along the orchard street.. n esp my DAU SA BAO!! breakfast for everyday morning.. =)

as u al noe.. i cant stay hm for long.. so ive gotten new part time waitress.. its a relaxing & calm restaurant along the shophouses @ outram.. its called THE TIFFIN CLUB.. shld check it out at this website www.thetiffinclub.com.. they ve gt superb big portion delicious food there.. coffee tastes great too.. as for the prices.. i tink its worth it.. including the atmosphere over there too..

apart from working.. i tink ive gt to find some interesting & fun activities man.. im getting boring frm all the working.. sch's starting soon.. altho having camps b4 tt.. i still do nit some chill out with my frens.. i wanna do sun tann!! shopping!! gossipping sessions! well.. i jus wanna spend time with all my frens..

n most importantly.. spend time with my mr someone..